The one word that forever changed my marriage…

It was a sunny summer day and I couldn’t wait to get to the coffee shop to meet my new one to one mentor I had signed up for through my church. Reeling from the pain of our freshest argument, I thought surely she would sooth me and remind me how God would save us from this nightmare called separation. I couldn’t wait to let it all out without the presence of my kiddos, all that was bottled up inside my breaking heart. *This post may contain affiliate links. Should you choose to purchase certain advertised items, I will receive compensation, which will help keep this blog up and running!* She was a well put together friendly older woman who insisted “her treat” today. Instantly I felt I could talk to her, she had such a kind presence. She sipped coffee quietly for a long time while I let out all my woes, tears and complaints. When I was finished speaking she looked me straight in the eye, reached for my hand and said, “Now that you’ve had a chance to air your grievances, now what?” I was caught off guard. Now what? And I thought to myself, isn’t that what you’re supposed to tell me? What do I do now? As I sat there in my loss for words, in my search for now what, she spoke. “Do you think he feels respected?” What? Do I think *HE* feels respected?! And I thought to  myself, didn’t  she hear all the other stuff I had just told her? If he would only just….. if he would not……. If he would…….. how can I respect someone I don’t right now?? I knew this word, and I was pretty sure I had a good handle on it before life happened and all of a sudden there we were -struggling to make ends meet with two young children and in disagreement often. I was wrong. Utterly wrong. Through my many weekly meet ups with her, we dove into this word much further.  She taught me how in the world’s eyes, respect is earned, but in Gods eyes it is given freely. This took me along time to reconcile in my head- that I can choose to respond with respect regardless of if I agree with a decision or choice he makes. I can choose respectful words and actions towards him even if he hurts my feelings. I can choose to be respectful towards him *even if* he never changes in the ways I see fit. Choosing to respect our husbands is god honoring too. Biblically we are called to respect our husbands. Ephesians 5:33 states, “let the wife see that she respects her husband”. I learned that there were many ways I hadn’t shown respect, even ways I didn’t realize counted or that he would be bothered by. I was sure if God was going to move a mountain in my marriage, I had better know how to do what he is asking me to do in his word. I started purposely practicing respect in every interaction we had. I didn’t always get it right, but being more cognizant of it daily helped me to see all the areas I could and should improve. Overtime, with much consistent focus on always choosing respect, our hearts were softened towards each other again, and slowly we started to rebuild our marriage from the ground up. God is pretty amazing like that. He already knew exactly what we as wives would struggle with and made sure it was in the bible to help guide us. I will always be grateful for the truth my mentor so respectfully guided me with that day. Now I teach others how this one word handled with care can save their marriage too. This is the book my mentor gave me to learn more about respecting my husband

When He Says I Don’t Love You Anymore, A Christian Guidebook For Wives in the Battle For Their Marriages

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