Why doesn’t God want to save my marriage?

Why doesn’t God want to save my marriage?

As co-leader of a world-wide community of hundreds of women standing and praying for redemption of their marriages, this is one of the most common and most heart-wrenching questions we get asked. We watch as some of the most faith-filled and god-honoring women watch their families tear apart, and the more they pray and respond in god-honoring ways, the further things slip away.



There are other marriage restoration ministries out there that tell these women if they believe and have enough faith, if they wait long enough, if they focus and pray enough, God will restore.

I’m here to shake this idea. I disagree. Here’s the thing- IT IS God’s desire for all marriages to be whole and to be restored. However, because God doesn’t force himself on our free will, there ARE spouses who do forever run from Gods voice. God is fighting for your marriage, absolutely, he is patient and intervening in many ways even outside of your attempts. But he will not force a spouse into relationship with him, it is an invitation.

As a wife, I can do all my part to walk with Jesus, and by interacting with my spouse in ways that honor God, can definitely be a light towards Gods love and what he can do. My light can be an example, a glimpse to the invitation. But, if at the end of it all, my spouse still walks out, it was not because I didn’t pray enough, act perfect enough, or that I’m not Christian enough. It was not because I “messed up” by trying to reach him too much or too little, or that I wasn’t faithful to God enough, wasn’t worth the fight, wasn’t worth restoring my marriage. It wasn’t because I didn’t try hard enough, or that God didn’t want to save my marriage. That was the husband (or wife if you’re a husband reading this) exercising his/or her free will based off their worldview and what they believed was their best option.

Having faith in Jesus gives us hope for the future, but it is in the daily walking with Jesus that we will get there to where he is waiting.

I want to tell you about a woman named “Jenny”. She has been a faithful servant of the Lord for many years, and has prayed and given grace and love to her prodigal husband for a year. Recently they were starting to talk again, and we prayed this was the sign of his homecoming. Not long after, he passed away unexpectedly. It came as a shock. It was heartbreaking and made many re-evaluate their perceptions. Wasn’t Jenny faithful enough? Didn’t she pray enough? Didn’t she love her husband in god honoring ways enough? If god didn’t save someone like Jenny’s marriage, why would he save my marriage?I will tell you- I only hope to one day be as faithful and god honoring and god fearing as she. And even in this tragic time, she is holding her head up high, and marching boldly forward in faith for Gods next steps for her. I’m still sad for what never came to be, but I’m excited to see how God will use their story to reach others.

If this is you, asking why doesn’t God want to save my marriage?

He does!

But we live in a fallen world where sometimes even with a mountain of unshakable faith, spouses in our lives will walk away from what God desires. Please know that its never a reflection on your worth, or if you had enough faith or waited long enough. Its a sign of the fallen world we live in.

I’m closing this out with a few verses that many have clung to when we can’t understand:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28

“What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him-“- 1 Corinthians 2:9

When He Says I Don’t Love You Anymore, A Christian Guidebook For Those in the Battle For Their Marriages

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Comments

  1. Sheri says:

    My husband recently filed for divorce . This has been devastating . We only have been married for 2 years. He is asking me to sign the papers , but i don’t agree with this decision , nor is this decision honoring to God. We don’t have biblical grounds for divorce . I am choosing not to sign and if this is something he wants to pursue , he can have me served . I’m praying with everything i have for a miracle , for healing , for restoration . I know God still does miracles . Can you please stand with me in prayer . My husband is very prideful and is very hurt and adimant about this decision . The pain has been unbearable . Thank you for sharing all of your insight . It has been helpful . I don’t know what else to do at this point . Your blog on respecting your spouse also opened up my eyes of how I fell short 😔 he left the home almost 3 months ago.

    1. Beth says:

      Aww Sheri I’m so sad to hear what you are going through. You’re right the pain is absolutely awful. I’m with you, I wouldn’t sign them either. I usually advise wives to get their own representation before signing anything. Yes absolutely I stand in prayer with you! Regarding the blog about respecting your spouse, I think many (myself included!) fell short/fall short. It is never an excuse biblically to divorce. Rather it’s an issue a wife is always growing and learning in, and an opportunity for a husband to address with his wife instead of run the other way. I say this because the regret we women can feel, and then take on the responsibility of the reason a husband leaves. Extend grace to your heart on that one and give it to God. Then let it go. Moving forward you can always continue to grow in that area (as most of us are!) but don’t let it be a place from which to take all blame. God Bless you, absolutely standing in prayer with you!

  2. Nancy says:

    I prayed SO long for my marriage, spent many years questioning God. Then one day I realized I will be accountable for the wife that I am and he will be accountable for the husband he is. So I continued my walk in faith with God being the best wife I could be. My husband is now serving the lord with his whole heart and he’s actually the head of the Men’s Ministry in our church.

    1. Beth says:

      Thank you for sharing this Nancy! This is is important to realize just what you are saying, that the only thing one can do is focus on their own relationship with God and be the wife he wants us to be. I’m so happy to read your marriage was restored, it gives so much hope to those in the battle right now.

    2. Cassie says:

      Nancy Thank you for sharing. Ive been praying and trusting God for marital restoration. In the last couple weeks I realized the Lord was having me focus on his will for my life as well and in these two weeks my husbanf had began conversation and communication. . I continue to trust God for his word to come to pass whatever the outcome

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