Why doesn’t God want to save my marriage?
As co-leader of a world-wide community of hundreds of women standing and praying for redemption of their marriages, this is one of the most common and most heart-wrenching questions we get asked. We watch as some of the most faith-filled and god-honoring women watch their families tear apart, and the more they pray and respond in god-honoring ways, the further things slip away.
There are other marriage restoration ministries out there that tell these women if they believe and have enough faith, if they wait long enough, if they focus and pray enough, God will restore.
I’m here to shake this idea. I disagree. Here’s the thing- IT IS God’s desire for all marriages to be whole and to be restored. However, because God doesn’t force himself on our free will, there ARE spouses who do forever run from Gods voice. God is fighting for your marriage, absolutely, he is patient and intervening in many ways even outside of your attempts. But he will not force a spouse into relationship with him, it is an invitation.
As a wife, I can do all my part to walk with Jesus, and by interacting with my spouse in ways that honor God, can definitely be a light towards Gods love and what he can do. My light can be an example, a glimpse to the invitation. But, if at the end of it all, my spouse still walks out, it was not because I didn’t pray enough, act perfect enough, or that I’m not Christian enough. It was not because I “messed up” by trying to reach him too much or too little, or that I wasn’t faithful to God enough, wasn’t worth the fight, wasn’t worth restoring my marriage. It wasn’t because I didn’t try hard enough, or that God didn’t want to save my marriage. That was the husband (or wife if you’re a husband reading this) exercising his/or her free will based off their worldview and what they believed was their best option.
Having faith in Jesus gives us hope for the future, but it is in the daily walking with Jesus that we will get there to where he is waiting.
I want to tell you about a woman named “Jenny”. She has been a faithful servant of the Lord for many years, and has prayed and given grace and love to her prodigal husband for a year. Recently they were starting to talk again, and we prayed this was the sign of his homecoming. Not long after, he passed away unexpectedly. It came as a shock. It was heartbreaking and made many re-evaluate their perceptions. Wasn’t Jenny faithful enough? Didn’t she pray enough? Didn’t she love her husband in god honoring ways enough? If god didn’t save someone like Jenny’s marriage, why would he save my marriage?I will tell you- I only hope to one day be as faithful and god honoring and god fearing as she. And even in this tragic time, she is holding her head up high, and marching boldly forward in faith for Gods next steps for her. I’m still sad for what never came to be, but I’m excited to see how God will use their story to reach others.
If this is you, asking why doesn’t God want to save my marriage?
But we live in a fallen world where sometimes even with a mountain of unshakable faith, spouses in our lives will walk away from what God desires. Please know that its never a reflection on your worth, or if you had enough faith or waited long enough. Its a sign of the fallen world we live in.
I’m closing this out with a few verses that many have clung to when we can’t understand:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28
“What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him-“- 1 Corinthians 2:9