An open letter to my daughter: Marrying a Prince- (what the fairy tales don’t tell you)

 

My dear daughter,

I see the twinkle in your eye when the prince finds Cinderella at last. I see how you giggle when prince Eric falls for Ariel, or Sleeping Beautys’ prince awakens her with true loves’ kiss. I know how you love Rapunzel, and love to pretend to lower your long beautiful hair to be “rescued” by the prince. For now I am enjoying your make-believe, your pure innocence, your imaginary play. I want to stay here with you forever, where you will always believe in pure love and innocence.



But I know there will be a day where there you are my grown daughter, staring back at me with tissues in hand and tears in your eyes. The reality of the world will be revealed to you, and your heart will hurt. You might question your worth, you might question  what is so bad about you? You will wonder if you chose the right prince.

What the fairy tales never told you, is the princes of fairytales are not the true life  men of the world. They don’t have the every day stressors of life and they don’t have issues from the past. They are one dimensional characters without any layers of complexity. True men of the world are not capable of perfection as are the princes of fairytales. And you know what? Neither are we, the true women of the world, capable of perfection. Here in lies the problem. How do we thrive in successful marriages, if we are incapable of perfection, if we have stressors of every day life, and when the mountains sometimes seem impossible to move?

There is another prince the fairytales don’t mention. He is the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, the savior of the world. He is the one true and never-changing, perfect prince we can always rely on.

You see my dear daughter, when you place your hopes and dreams on your husband, he will fail you. He may be a very wonderful man, but he cannot fill every hope and dream. He cannot read your thoughts, and even with the best intentions, he cannot respond every time in a way that you will see as suitable. He is a flawed human being, just like me and you.

He has hopes and dreams too. He is looking to you too. And there will be times you will disappoint him even with your best efforts. You are flawed and imperfect also.

I hope you always remember this: that when you put your hopes and dreams in Jesus, you will not be disappointed, and you will also take the burden from your husband from filling a hole that only Jesus can fill.

How do you do this? With each day, pray for your husband, your marriage, and for yourself. Pray for god’s guidance in every step you take.

Place your requests to the Lord. Place your fears, frustrations, and anxieties on him- not on your husband. Ask The Lord what to do when you just don’t know what to do anymore.

Place more value on reading God’s word and written instructions for your path than on social media, and who’s doing what.

Yes its good to be open and honest with your husband, but you must place your full hope in the Lord. Putting all your hope in a person is a guaranteed path to failure. But God, he will not fail you, and he has big plans for you and your marriage when you let him guide the way!

Placing your trust in Jesus will also shape your faith in ways you cannot imagine until you are married.  Being married tests us in ways we had not experienced when we were single. We are tested in patience, perseverance, choosing to love when we are rather upset at our spouse, and most of all, giving our spouse grace when we’d rather not. We are refined by the marital fire to be more christ-like. This is the best way to thrive in your marriage, to learn to be more like Christ, and respond accordingly in every interaction. This is the true work of marriage more than date nights, or fancy flowers and chocolates.

Growing in Christ will also prepare you for the other roads life in general will take you down.

Sound like work? It can feel like it at times, but it is work worth every breath, to live and thrive and enjoy a blessed marriage full of grace, love, humility, and joy.

So my dear daughter,

whenever you feel lost or confused and looking for the way when your Prince has long lost his crown, look up. God will guide you, he will show you the way. Never lose hope, never lose faith, and never give up. Stand firm and build your house on the rock, and you shall never sink in shifting sand.

Love,

Mom

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Comments

  1. Kristina says:

    Growing up it was chick flicks πŸ™„ This is my heart’s desire for my daughter too. It is also interesting how things can be passed on generationally but I want it to stop with my daughter. Jesus is only my Mr. Ferrars or Mr. Coulson. I always remember my mom telling me that I have to have a relationship with Him first before being able to have a relationship with anyone else. It is all about showing that by example. I long to be that example to my daughter but only through Him

  2. Rhiannon says:

    Beth, this was beautiful! It is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as well. I grew up with the fun fairytales and I always dreamed my prince would come like he did for all the other princesses. I love, LOVE, this quote- “There is another prince the fairytales don’t mention. He is the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, the savior of the world.” YES! That could be a book. Great article! Pinning it, sharing it and tweeting <3

  3. This was an amazing post!! It made me think of my own daughters and it puts into words exactly what I want them to know!

  4. This is so sweet and so true. Far too many of us fall into the trap of believing that marrying our Prince Charming leads to happily ever-after. In a way it does but only if we have the Jesus as King over our lives. Profound post Beth!

  5. I really like how you wrote to her about putting Jesus Christ first, ultimately for her life and in her marriage. I remember when I was single, I would have so many people in my life tell me, make Jesus your husband. He will comfort you, lead you, and be all that you need. The first year of hearing it was so annoying to me. I always answered with a polite smile and nod but deep inside I cried to God, why did people keep telling me that?! I was choosing to be single till I was completely healed from my divorce. But then one day I remember vividly in a vision I was standing as a bride, shortly after that I was completely content, satisfied, and happy. I was confident in who I was and loneliness was no longer a issue. I stood single for a few years with a full heart. The Lord did become my husband and it taught me so much of what to expect and not to expect from my husband that was to come. The Lord taught me so much as a wife; as I chose to represent one to Him. Becoming, humble, graceful, godly submissiveness, and leaving the past behind with full forgiveness. Blessings to you and your daughter! May your love always build her up with wisdom and grace!

  6. Wow!!! Thank you for this post. Reminding our daughters to turn to Jesus instead of their husband for fulfillment? That is something every wife should hear! Well done, friend.

  7. Sierra Smith says:

    I love, love, love this! It is so very true and so beautifully written!
    -Sierra

  8. Amy says:

    This is so good. Important truths for a young girl romanticizing marriage, but also encouraging reminders for those already married! I’ve been married 8 years, and constantly need to remember: “when you put your hopes and dreams in Jesus, you will not be disappointed, and you will also take the burden from your husband from filling a hole that only Jesus can fill.”

  9. Keri McCue says:

    This is beautiful and so needed! I think we as a church community need to do better about teaching youth and kids about the reality of love. What it TRULY looks like and how to practically date as a Christian. I think you are doing that here!

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